Friday, 3 August 2007

Mouse trap

So there i was, having a pizza with my mate, when the doorbell rang and a women said she has a mouse in her house and wondered if we could get rid of it for her.

Being the gentlemen we were, we told her to fuck off and let us get back to our pizza.

Only joking, we went and had a look, and the mouse was running around all over the place, then it ran under the wardrobe and my mate trapped it underneath untill we could figure out what to do next.

I suggested that we leave it for a few weeks and wait for it to die, then come back, spray the place with something nice smelling, and pick the dead mouse up, and throw it away.

She looked and me with a confused look, smiled and said "Are you some sort of pikey?"

I told her that no, i was not a pikey, and i that i was just 'lazy' or as it is now known, 'Energy efficient'.

So i guess what im trying to ask, is what should me and my mate have done to kill the mouse?

Should i have stamped on it and decorated the wall with mouse guts?

Should i have asked for her number?

Should me and my mate have buggered off and finished our pizza before it got cold?

Thursday, 26 July 2007

European threat levels!

Thought this was funny :D

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz began in 1940 and tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued "A Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels:
"Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.